Why do affair partners need a support forum?

It seems perfectly reasonable for there to be forums for the ‘betrayed spouse’ (BS) to gain support from others who have similar circumstances and experiences to share.  It also seems quite reasonable for those involved in an affair to have a support forum as well.

This had been discussed in a previous posting from the perspective of a (potential) D-day and the need for support — and that makes perfect sense as a time to really need the support — but even when the affair is going incredibly well, it’s hard not to have anyone you can share this relationship with.  People in love often have a need to have their relationship publicly recognized, and that is simply not a possibility with extramarital affairs.

With that said, my affair partner is also a member of ClubTOW: it is one of the only places in the world where we can be recognized as a couple.

If this sounds like what you need, come join us at ClubTOW.

The right forum

Getting back to the idea of finding a forum for affair support: when I first felt the need for affair support there seemed to be a number of choices to be found with a simple Google search.  I found myself on a number of different websites, blogs, and forums trying to find a place I’d feel comfortable.  Some of the search results I’d followed were outdated and I found the forums long since dead, or in the process of dying.  At least one other forum I’d stumbled across and lurked around for awhile was most definitely not for the “other woman” (or “other man”) in an affair at all, but instead were support for the betrayed spouse.

There was another forum that showed up in the results that I was pretty appalled by (hint: The B52’s once sang about “a little old place where we can get together”) … OW and OM were getting no support I could see, and the betrayed spouse(s) were able to post in the OtherMan/OtherWoman section of the forum.  I’ve lurked there a little bit lately, but it still doesn’t seem like a welcoming or supportive forum for the participants in an affair.

When I’d discovered the predecessor to ClubTOW — T.O.W. forum — I was a little put off at first.  I’d registered to the site, but it was several days before my registration was approved.  (New members are currently reviewed for approval in less than 24 hours currently; spammers are rejected routinely.)  Once approved and able to sign into T.O.W. forum, I found that I had to give a brief introduction before gaining access to the rest of the forum.  It seemed like a lot of hoops to jump through just to gain support when I felt that I was about to experience (yet another) D-day, but in retrospect it makes sense.  Just as the seemingly stern warnings and rules about “TMI” are there to protect not only the forum but each and every one of its members.

And we carry on those traditions to this day to keep our members supported and protected.

To tell or not to tell

I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve never been asked for “the truth” from my affair partner’s wife when she discovered our affair.  That’s not to say that she didn’t call me — in fact, we’ve had several D-days (discovery days) over the years — because she has called me on a few occasions, but she never has asked me to verify facts or to ask for “the truth“.

But, if she had asked me for details of any sort, I would decline to provide them.  If I were to provide details maybe she would believe me, but maybe not.  To give her details of our relationship would only hurt or anger her, but beyond that, would she have any reason to believe I would give her the truth in this kind of scenario?  Given that she likely would be hurt or angry, I’m inclined to think she wouldn’t believe anything told to her.

Furthermore, I would not want to be placed in a position of being interrogated by her in order to verify whether her husband (my affair partner) is telling her the truth or not.

Beyond all that, she would maybe have created her own version of the truth that she’d not be willing to believe anything else regardless of what I might tell her.

Finding the right affair support forum

It was a few years ago that I thought to look for an affair support forum on the internet.  While there are a number of forums to be found, it’s not always easy to find an online forum that feels as though you belong there.  Especially when it comes to gaining support for an affair.  

It was almost three years ago that I had discovered an affair support forum that met my needs at the time.  (Unfortunately, that forum — T.O.W. / the-other-woman — shut down almost exactly a year ago; that shut down prompted the creation of ClubTOW.)  I felt as though I was on the verge of yet another D-day (Discovery Day) at the time I found T.O.W.  forum.  It was a lifesaver at a time that I needed it.  The D-day didn’t come to fruition, but I quickly found that it was a godsend to have like-minded people to discuss my affair with, as well as those who will challenge to think ‘outside the box’.

Very few of us have real-life friends we can discuss such matters with.  My own affair partner will sometimes quote Ben Franklin “Three may keep a Secret, if two of them are dead.”  ClubTOW offers a safe refuge to discuss what goes on with your own affair as well as to lend support to other OW (married/single other woman) or MM (married man).

ClubTOW: Who We Are

ClubTOW (“The Other Woman”) is a support forum for women and men who have found themselves currently in an extramarital affair, trying to leave an affair, or living life after the affair. Whether you are the other woman/other man/married woman/married man, ClubTOW is open to you!

We don’t know how ClubTOW would compare to any other affair-related forum, but in thinking of who we are as a group, we’re pretty well represented.

• There are at least two former OW’s as members who have married their MMs.
• There are a handful of current members going through the planning stages of establishing a life together with their affair partner.
• Some members are currently (happily) involved with their affair partner,
• while others are working on breaking off their affairs, and/or are currently establishing NC [no contact];
• some are continuing to work on NC,
• while others have broken off their affairs and are moving on.
• If I’m not mistaken there are even a few members who had been in the role of BS [betrayed spouse] at some point in their lives.

Our demographics are all over the charts.  If you’ve been involved in an affair, or are even contemplating becoming involved in an affair, consider joining our forum.

 

 

 

other woman/other man/married woman/married man = OW/OM/MW/MM